


Long Way Home

by sweetiepieharry



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, F/F, Flashbacks, Gigi’s in love with Crystal but Crystal has a boyfriend, Highschool AU, Lesbian AU, Oneshot, Sad, Unrequited Love, crygi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:42:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26187388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetiepieharry/pseuds/sweetiepieharry
Summary: Gigi and Crystal have been best friends for as long as they can remember. Gigi desperately wishes they were more. Crystal doesn’t feel the same way.When it’s time for them to leave for college, Gigi has to make a decision. Stay here with Crystal and sacrifice her heart, or run away and lose everything.It’s all in the hands of two college acceptance letters and a whole lot of memories.
Relationships: Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode, Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	Long Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on the song ‘Long Way Home’ by 5 Seconds of Summer!

Gigi sits at her desk with two envelopes in front of her. She’s been sliding them around for almost an hour. Whatever’s in these envelopes determines everything. If she didn’t get into Cal Arts then she has no decision to make, she’ll go to Missouri State, with Crystal, just like the plan always was. She didn’t tell Crystal that she applied anywhere else. They’ve promised each other they’d go to Missouri State together since they were kids. They’d share a dorm room, go to their first college party together, they’d be together every day, like they always have been, since Gigi moved to Missouri. She figured she probably wouldn’t even get into Cal Arts, so obviously there would be no real reason to let Crystal know that she was applying there. She wrote her admissions essay in secret, she knew Crystal’s feelings would be hurt if she didn’t tell her, but Gigi thinks it would hurt her own feelings more to have her best friend think she doesn’t want to go to college with her anymore. 

Gigi knows Crystal would support her no matter what, and maybe that’s the problem. Crystal loves Gigi, but not in the way that Gigi so desperately wishes that she did. Not in the way that Gigi has loved Crystal for as long as she can remember. Gigi doesn’t even really remember starting that Cal Arts application. It all feels like a blur. All she knows is the tears running down her face fell down onto her keyboard and that everything felt like it was caving in on her. It all hit her at once. 

Crystal was everything to her. Everything. It’s been tearing Gigi apart at the seams every single day to be around her and know she will never love her back. Gigi thinks she’s spent more nights crying in her room than she can count. More nights with her phone screen covered in her own tears as she scrolls through pictures of memories, memories of her and Crystal. Before Brandon, Gigi almost had the silly thought that maybe in some way, Crystal felt the same way. She was always holding Gigi’s hand, cuddling her to sleep, playing with Gigi’s hair. Then Brandon came along, and that was it. Gigi’s heart broke into a million pieces that she wasn’t sure could ever be mended. She’s still not really sure if it ever will be. Every day since then has been painful. 

Gigi and Crystal were still best friends. They still had sleepovers almost every weekend, they still got in trouble every day for passing notes in class, they still stole Crystal’s mom’s wine to get drunk in her room and listen to 80’s music. She’s sure that in Crystal’s eyes, nothing has ever changed between them. Nothing had changed, except for Gigi’s heart getting heavier every single day, and except for all of the pillows on Gigi’s bed ending with damp spots of heartbreak every night. 

Her shaky hands lift up the envelopes again. She stares at them with icy blue eyes, now full of tears again, but that’s something she’s far too used to by now. It’s now or never. She peels the seal on the Missouri State envelope. That’s the easy one, so she knows it’s easier to do it first. Her eyes scan the papers as she pulls them out of the envelope. 

‘Congratulations, Genevieve Goode, you have been accepted into the arts program at Missouri State University!’

She sighs and a little bit of weight leaves her shoulders, she smiles a little bit. If she didn’t get into Cal Arts, she’s going to Missouri State. She’ll be a Bear. She’ll room with Crystal, and everything will stay exactly the same as it is right now. She feels her heart tremble at the thought. Everything staying the same. 

The easy part’s over now. Everything depends on the second envelope. She slides her dainty polished fingers over the label on the front. California Institute of the Arts. 1,600 miles away from here. 

Her eyes flutter closed as her shaking hands tear the envelope open. She pulls out the papers and lays them face down on her desk. Her heart is beating faster than she ever thought possible. It feels like it could fly out of her chest at any moment. 

She stands up from her desk to get her blood flowing back into her body again. She moves to her bed, stuffing her hands into the sheets. Her eyes are hot with tears and she feels them start to spill over onto her rosy cheeks.

If she gets in, this changes everything. She can leave Missouri behind and never look back, but, that also means leaving her best friend behind. Isn’t that why she wanted this though? She wanted to start over, leave this town and mend her heart and forget about Crystal. She was positive that’s what she needed to do, so why the second thoughts now?

Her mind drifts to when she first moved to Missouri. Her parents were still lugging boxes in the front door and Gigi sat on the front porch by herself, wearing her princess tutu and pigtails. This was a brand new town, her father had lost his job in Illinois so they moved to Springfield for some better opportunities. They found a little house right outside of the elementary school, where Gigi and her brothers could go to school. Gigi was only seven at the time, while her brothers were a little older. All of a sudden, the next door neighbors rounded the corner, waving to her parents, a blonde little girl in a denim jacket and the brightest yellow colored rain boots Gigi had ever seen skipped next to them. The girl’s hand flew up to wave at Gigi and she smiled big, missing her two front teeth. Gigi straightened her tutu and waved back, a little bit shy. She’d never been very good at making friends. The neighbors went into Gigi’s house to greet her parents, but their little girl bolted over to Gigi. 

“Hi! I’m Crystal! What’s your name?”

“Genevieve.” Gigi whispered. 

“That’s too long. How about I call you Gigi?”

Gigi smiled and nodded. 

“So Gigi, you wanna play?”

Gigi held up her empty palms and glanced around the porch before looking back to Crystal, hoping Crystal would understand that Gigi was trying to say that none of her toys have been unpacked yet. Crystal’s face lit up. 

“That’s okay! Wait right here! I’ll be back.”

Gigi stayed in her place on the porch as she watched Crystal run around to the other side of the fence, rain boots squeaking and blonde curls bouncing. After a few seconds, Crystal came running back, her hands full of plastic dinosaurs, a few of them dropping into the grass of Gigi’s yard. 

“Do you like dinosaurs?” Crystal asked, smiling with her missing teeth again.

Gigi nodded and they played there on the porch for the rest of the day while their parents talked and unpacked boxes. 

Gigi made her first friend that day. To this day, she’s still not sure why Crystal was wearing rainboots, it wasn’t even raining. Gigi finds herself smiling at the memories, looking to her wall to find the framed picture from only a few days later, Gigi and Crystal playing dress up outside, Gigi had on a sparkly pink princess dress, while Crystal had on a fluffy purple monster costume, still wearing those yellow rain boots, both of them smiling as big as possible at the camera. Her hands squeeze tighter into her bed sheets and she feels the tears running down her face again. Next to the picture of them playing dress up is another picture, and Gigi remembers that day, how could she ever forget. 

It was their first day of middle school, in the picture they’re holding hands and smiling. Gigi was so scared that day, but Crystal has always been fearless. After their moms had dropped them off and they were about to walk into the school for the first time, Gigi froze in her steps. 

“What’s wrong?” Crystal asked, looking at Gigi with warm brown eyes. 

“I can’t do it.” Gigi whispered quietly. 

Crystal knew Gigi had been scared, but she always told her that they were best friends and that she’d always be there for her. She told her they’d have even more fun in middle school than they ever had in elementary school. Gigi’s eyes started to water, and Crystal couldn’t stand to see Gigi cry. She stepped next to Gigi and grabbed her hand, holding it tight in hers. 

“I’m here.” She smiled. 

She held Gigi’s hand the whole time as they walked into school, all the way through the new year orientation in the gym, and she even helped Gigi to her first class of the day. She never went back on her promise, she was there the whole day. 

The picture seems so distant now, Gigi used to be much more shy than she is now, but she’s still just as scared. She thinks maybe she’s even more scared now, but Crystal can’t help this time. She can’t help because she’s exactly what Gigi’s scared of. For the first time ever, Gigi doesn’t have her security blanket anymore. She can’t ask Crystal for help when Crystal is the reason she’s upset. 

More and more memories keep flashing into Gigi’s head. Each one seemingly more painful than the last. She remembers 7th grade when Twilight: Breaking Dawn came into the movie theater in their town. They wrote a whole speech to convince their parents to let them go to the midnight showing. They’d read all the books together and seen all the movies and they’d been so excited to see the new one, and since they were both 13 now, they could actually go see it in theaters. Their parents said yes and the girls screamed so loud they think they probably could’ve broken their parents’ eardrums. They felt so grown up going to the movies by themselves, they got all dolled up in their “Team Edward” t-shirts and Gigi slapped blue glitter onto both of their eyes from the new makeup kit she got for her birthday. Gigi found out a few years later that their parents actually went too, and just sat a few rows behind. 

Gigi remembers 8th grade year, when John Lewis asked her out on a date. She thinks Crystal was even more excited than she was, which makes more sense now then it did to Gigi at the time. Crystal had her mom take her and Gigi to the mall and she helped Gigi pick out a brand new dress for her date. It was pink and covered in a red floral print, it was beautiful. Crystal always knew what Gigi would like best. She used her allowance money to pay for it even though Gigi protested. Later that night she came over to Gigi’s house to help her get ready, helping curl her long ginger hair while Gigi did her own makeup. Gigi’s mom dropped her off at the bowling alley, where John was supposed to be. 

She ended up sitting there alone for over an hour. He stood her up. Later she found out that he decided to ask Jaida Hall out instead, he told his friends that he thought Gigi would be too boring. Gigi’s mom picked her up and she ran straight to Crystal’s house. Crystal opened her door to Gigi’s face covered in black mascara streaks and pulled her into a hug immediately. She can’t remember how long she cried for, she only remembers the feeling of Crystal’s soft hands rubbing her back and shushing her from crying. Crystal told Gigi that John was a “fucking dumbass who has even less of a brain than Rosy does”. Gigi couldn’t help but laugh. Crystal cuddled her into bed and stroked her hair the whole night until she fell asleep. Gigi thought to herself that Crystal was better than any boy could ever be, but she didn’t say that out loud. Something told her that she shouldn’t. 

The Cal Arts envelope seems to be taunting Gigi from her desk at this point. It feels like everything in her life has lead up to this. Her phone buzzes from behind her on her bed and she jumps a little. The screen lights up with a text notification from the name “Crys <3”.

Her text says “hey, you busy? wanna get ice cream at the place downtown?”

Gigi takes a long breath, before typing back with shaky hands. “sorry i can’t, doing a thing with my parents”

She gets a response within a few seconds. 

“okay have fun ily!”

Her heart stutters, and she locks her phone without replying. Her pride flag lock screen shining back at her. 

Her head fills with another memory. Freshman year when they were having one of their usual weekend sleepovers. Except this time, Gigi’s mind was filled with other things. They were playing board games and Gigi knew Crystal could tell something was off, she was too quiet. Crystal looked up at her. 

“Hey? What’s up?”

Gigi choked out a sob, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. Crystal immediately jumped up and crawled to her side, wrapping her arms around her shivering body. Her soft hands rubbed up and down Gigi’s arms as she tried to make her stop crying. 

“Gigi please tell me what’s wrong.” She whispered, voice heavy with concern. 

Gigi knew Crystal wasn’t going to reject her, but there was still something holding her back. 

“I can’t tell you I-“ Gigi chokes out another sob, tears soaking the shoulder of Crystal’s sweater. 

“G, you can tell me anything. Please.”

Gigi looked up and saw tears running over onto Crystal’s cheeks. She knew they’d be there. Crystal can’t see Gigi cry without crying herself. Gigi sniffled and wiped her face with her small hands, looking up at Crystal, face red and swollen from crying. 

“I think- I think I’m a lesbian.”

Crystal let out a deep breath and looked Gigi in the eyes with nothing but complete sincerity. Even with her body language, she wanted Gigi to feel nothing but full support, and that was the truth. 

“Gigi. Thank you for telling me. I’m so fucking proud of you, okay? So fucking proud.”

Gigi let out a sad giggle as Crystal wrapped her arms around her for another hug. 

“I don’t know why I was so scared to tell you.” She lied. She did know. She didn’t want to know, though. 

“Please don’t be scared. I love you. You’re my best friend, G. Nothing in the whole world could ever change that.”

Back into the present, Gigi stared at the floor. She said nothing could change that. Nothing? Crystal told her nothing would ever change the fact that Gigi was her best friend. She wonders how Crystal would feel if she knew what Gigi was doing right now. If she knew Gigi just lied to her. Even more so, she wonders how Crystal would feel if she knew Gigi was in love with her. Gigi knew how she’d react though. She’d tell Gigi that they’ll always be best friends and that things won’t be awkward between them, and that Gigi will find someone else one day. Gigi doesn’t think she can hear that without breaking. That’s why she knows she can never tell her. That’s why she’s sitting her, with this possible ticket across the country on her desk, and that’s why she hasn’t told Crystal about it. She has no idea how she would ever tell Crystal that if she gets into this school, she’s going to move across the country, and that the reason is that it’s breaking her to see Crystal be so in love with someone else.

Another memory fills Gigi’s head. The day Crystal starting dating Brandon. Gigi was reading in her room after school and Crystal swung her door open and bolted in. Gigi wasn’t that shocked, Crystal’s a very excited person so this was a pretty common occurrence. 

“GIGI GIGI GIGI GIGI!”

“WHAT?” Gigi yelled back, amused. 

“Brandon Thomas just asked me on a date! This Saturday!”

Gigi felt her stomach drop. The whole room felt like it turned to gray. She forced a big smile onto her face while Crystal continued to tell her all the details of her date this weekend. That was the moment Gigi thinks her heart never healed from. That feeling has never left her, even now, two years later. The feeling of every ounce of hope she had being stomped on by Crystal’s combat boots. It wasn’t her fault, Gigi knows that. She’s never blamed Crystal for any of it. Even when Crystal forgot that she actually had plans with Gigi that weekend, they were supposed to rewatch the twilight movies again, like when they were kids. They’d been planning it for weeks. Gigi didn’t remind her though, she knew how excited Crystal was for this, and that she’d cancel her date plans in a heartbeat if she realized she’d forgotten about their sleepover plans. So Crystal went on her date, and Gigi watched the movies alone, until she eventually fell asleep, her pillow damp with tears and her stomach heavy with all the feelings that would never be able to escape. 

Escape. That’s the whole point of all of this right? If Gigi leaves now, she gets to start over. She can put her heart back together and eventually things would be better for both of them. She’s sure Brandon would be glad that Gigi wouldn’t be in the way of their relationship anymore. He’d get to hang out with her much more. Crystal’s always bringing Gigi along to hang out with them, or spending her weekends at Gigi’s house and not Brandon’s. That’s how things have always been. Brandon’s a nice guy, she could never hate him, he’s always been nothing but nice to her. Seeing him still hurts, though. Knowing that he’s the one kissing Crystal’s soft lips. He’s the one who gets to hold her hand at the movies. He’s the one who has everything Gigi has ever wanted. Even before she knew exactly what her feelings were, she’s always wanted it. She’s always stared at Crystal with eyes full of wonder and held her hand gently as if she’s holding the world’s most beautiful piece of art. That’s what Crystal was to her. That’s what Crystal is to Brandon. 

Gigi would always be the best friend. Nothing would ever change that. 

Gigi remembers the first time her and Crystal ever went to a high school party. It wasn’t until their junior year, since they weren’t very popular before. Brandon was more popular though, so if he was going, Crystal was going, and of course Gigi was too because Crystal would never go without her. She still remembers the feeling of the loud music pumping through her veins, the feeling of the cheap alcohol in her bloodstream, and all the giggles shared that night. The people at the party decided they wanted to play Truth or Dare. Crystal laughed and said it was stupid and said they played that in elementary school. Gigi pulled her over though, because she thought it’d be fun, finally they’re playing stupid drinking games like they do in the cheesy 80’s high school movies that she loves so much. Crystal finally agreed and Brandon came along with her, she sat next to Gigi in the circle though. The game was going along fine, Rosy was dared to prank call her parents, which was pretty funny. Daya had to kiss Blake Underwood, the guy she always says smells like onions. Then it came along to Gigi, and Matt spoke up. 

“Gigi, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Gigi giggled, taking another sip of her drink and wincing a little at the sharp taste. 

“I dare you to kiss Crystal.”

Gigi froze. Everything went silent, even the noises of all of the boys cheering for them to kiss (gross). The alcohol was giving her enough confidence to remain calm, but she was picking at her jeans with her fingernails. She swallowed and looked over at Crystal, who was smiling and looking at her with a questioning expression. Gigi nodded her head. Gigi stayed completely still as Crystal leaned in. Her eyes fluttered shut as she brought their lips together. Gigi kissed her back and their lips moved together, Crystal smiling into the kiss. She pulled back after a few seconds and Gigi had to catch her breath. The whole room was whistling and yelling at them, and Crystal was still smiling, wiping Gigi’s lipgloss off her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket. Gigi didn’t dare wipe her own mouth. She wanted to taste Crystal’s strawberry chapstick forever. Her heart was still in shock, barely beating at all, and she was biting her lip to keep from smiling. 

It didn’t last very long, though. Right as Gigi came back into focus, she heard the dare that Crystal was given. “Seven minutes in heaven” with Brandon. Everything fell flat. Crystal stood up and walked with Brandon to the coat closet and Lux stood up to lock them in, setting a timer on her phone and laughing. 

Gigi willed her weak legs to stand up, she couldn’t stay in here. She looked around for anywhere else to go until she found herself in the kitchen refilling her cup with alcohol again. And again. And again. 

Later that night, she was sick at Crystal’s house, while Crystal held her long hair out of the way. She let the tears spill over her face again, knowing Crystal would just think she was crying from feeling sick. They cuddled in Crystal’s bed after while she rubbed Gigi’s tummy with soft hands, hoping to make her feel better. All she was doing was feeding the butterflies again. Gigi fell asleep to the sound of Crystal’s soft breaths in her ear. 

Gigi looked back at the envelope. All of these memories felt so far away. Over the last few weeks she had way too much time to think. She felt so disconnected from everything. Disconnected from Crystal. She had to be. Some things can’t be distant though, not when the wounds were still fresh. 

Gigi remembers prom night, even though she kind of wishes she didn’t. It was only a couple months ago. She and Crystal decided they would go to the thrift store across town to try to find some vintage dresses to wear. It was Gigi’s favorite thrift store, where she got almost all of her clothes. It was always filled with everything Gigi loved, vintage clothing on every wall. Bell bottoms and turtlenecks and platform heels lining the wall of the entrance. They probably tried on a hundred dresses each, posing in the mirror for pictures in every single one, Crystal’s dirty purple converse peaking out from under neath all of them. Gigi ended up choosing a pink satin dress. It was knee length and pretty simple, but it had reminded her of one she’d seen in her fashion magazines, and it made her feel pretty. It held her curves in the right places and her long hair tumbled over the spaghetti straps on the top. She knew she had the perfect shoes to match. It was perfect. 

She was flipping through the jeans and looking around after she had found her dress, until she saw Crystal’s curtain open. She stepped out where Gigi could see her and Gigi couldn’t help but let her jaw fall open. She looked beautiful. The dress was navy blue and sparkling all over, Crystal’s favorite. It hit the floor, draping perfectly around her feet. The top hung off of her arms, showing off her beautiful tan shoulders and a few of her tattoos. Gigi felt breathless. 

“Crystal that’s perfect.” She said, walking over to the mirror with her. 

“I love it.” Her face lit up, her whole face presenting an infectious smile. 

On prom night they went over to Gigi’s house to get ready. Her room was already a haze of hairspray and setting powder. Gigi was always more into makeup than Crystal was, so after she finished her own, she sat on top of Crystal’s lap to pat foundation onto her tanned skin, something they’d done before. Gigi’s favorite playlist of 80’s music blasted through the room as she worked a brush packed with glitter over Crystal’s eyelids, blending blue with black to match her dress. She coated her pink lips with a navy color, going as slowly as possible. She never wanted to lose this moment. She felt Crystal’s hand flinch a little the whole time. She’s ticklish, Gigi knew that, she let Gigi do her makeup often and she giggled every time it got to the lipstick. Gigi had never wanted to kiss someone so badly in her life. 

Brandon was Crystal’s date of course, Gigi went alone. That was okay, Crystal tried her best to never let Gigi feel like a third wheel, even when it was impossible not to. She had Rosy and Lux to talk to as well, neither of them had brought dates. When it came time for the slow dance music to play, Crystal looked at Gigi uncomfortably. Gigi smiled and shooed Crystal away, telling her to go dance with Brandon. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to be alone.”

“I’m sure. I’ll hang out with Lux.” She gestured over to the blonde girl in the black dress behind her, Lux smiled brightly.

“Okay, I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Don’t worry about it, Crystal. It’s your senior prom. Go have fun with your boyfriend.” Gigi forced a smile. 

Crystal grabbed Brandon’s hand and they made their way to the middle of the dance floor. Gigi turned her back and stepped over to where Lux was standing. 

“You okay?” Lux asked, fixing a lose bobby pin in Gigi’s curled hair. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Gigi.” Lux looked at her with sympathetic eyes.

“What?” Gigi said back, her tone sharp, cutting the air like a knife.

“Nothing.” Lux sighed, sliding her hand down Gigi’s arm and rubbing. “You’ll be okay. You’re tough. I know that for sure.” 

Gigi shrugged, pretending not to know what Lux was talking about again, even though she clearly knew something. Gigi brought her punch up to her lips and sipped, hoping it would take away the bitter taste in her mouth. She asked Lux how theatre was going and how the play was coming along, but she didn’t listen to her answer. All she could do was stand there and watch Crystal dance with someone who she wishes she could trade places with. 

That night took the final pieces of Gigi’s heart and shredded them. She’d never felt so broken in her life. She knew people around her were starting to notice that she wasn’t okay. As much as she wanted to pretend she had no idea what Lux was talking about, Lux clearly knew what was going on. She knew her mom was noticing that she was sleeping all day and barely eating. It’s kind of hard to miss. The spunky happy Gigi that was always drawing new clothing designs and always on the phone talking to someone was fading. The Gigi who never even let her nail polish chip or a piece of hair go uncurled was completely gone. She was breaking. 

Her blankets held spots of dried tears and crumbs. The floor of her bedroom was covered in old clothes and crumbled drawings that she was no longer happy with. Everything felt like it was falling apart. The day after prom is when she filled out the application for Cal Arts. She never even thought she’d get past the waiting list, but she did. Then today, the envelope showed up in the mail. The envelope that would decide if she stays or goes. Her one way ticket to what seems like a whole other world. A ticket away from Crystal. 

Leaving her best friend is the last thing she wants to do, she never thought she’d even consider the thought. She and Crystal had done everything together since they were 7 years old. They’d barely gone a single day without seeing eachother in 11 years. They went on vacation together, their families had Christmas together. That’s why everything about this was so hard. Gigi forgot how to live without her. She so desperately didn’t want to be that person for the rest of her life who was always single, clinging on to her best friend who’s probably going to be married with children some day. Crystal couldn’t be Gigi’s home anymore, because soon enough, someone else would be “home” to Crystal, and she just doesn’t think she can stick around for that. It’s not just that either. Cal Arts has an amazing program for designing, she could actually get somewhere in California. Crystal always told her that one day she would rule the world, and maybe California is the start. 

With shaky hands, Gigi reached for the folded letter on her desk, still face down, feeling much more determination than before. She probably wouldn’t even get in, then everything would stay the same. Their plan would go as usual and Gigi would never tell Crystal she even applied. That idea should be comforting, but she’s not really sure what comfort feels like anymore. 

She closed her eyes and unfolded the letter, her hands trembling harder than ever before. Crystal wasn’t here to hold them anymore, and if the letter held her ticket to California, she may never be there to hold them again. Tears continue to roll down Gigi’s cheeks and the pictures on her wall stare back at her. Crystal’s big smile missing her two front teeth, wearing those little yellow rain boots.

She unfolded the letter and hesitated before looking down. 

Her hands gave way and she heard the paper hit the floor. Her hand shot up to cover her mouth. 

She got in.


End file.
